Counselling Topic: Loneliness

Posted on Wednesday, March 4th, 2020

Ironically, loneliness is a shared experience. Everyone has experienced loneliness at some point in their life, and if you are feeling this way right now you are definitely not the only student. Loneliness is caused by there being a discrepancy between the social and interpersonal connections you want and what you have. The focus on connection here is important: you may have a lot of friends and people around you, but it is the quality of those friendships and connections that influence the feeling of being alone.

Let’s be real here. Pembroke is a small town. This campus is a small campus. This means there are less options and opportunities for social events, activities, and just meeting “your people.” Homesickness, culture shock, and isolation are common and natural to experience in any new environment but are especially heightened in a small town/campus setting. Maybe you don’t feel connected to your classmates, roommates, or the college community. Maybe there are not as many social opportunities as you’d like or even solo activities in the area that fit your unique interests. Maybe you thought it would be different or you would feel differently by this point in the year. Maybe you’ve been trying to put yourself out there and are feeling rejected and dejected. All of this can feel very discouraging. So what can you do?

Practical Options for Dealing with Loneliness

  1. The first step is accepting the way you feel. Acknowledge that you feel alone or isolated and wish things were different.
  2. The second step is identifying what exactly you are missing. Are you missing companionship and just having others to do activities with, like going to the movies? Are you maybe more missing having someone you can connect with on a deeper level and feel unconditionally supported by?
  3. The third step is exploring how you can try or continue to try to combat your feelings of loneliness. This Practical Options for Dealing with Loneliness document reviews some practical options.
  4. The fourth step is considering if you can live with your loneliness. Yes, you might wish things were different, and loneliness is making you feel sad, but is this feeling tolerable? Can you accept that right now, for whatever reason, you may not have the social and personal connections you want in life? Is there a way to reframe this in terms of the value of having a lot of time to yourself, to focus on your own interests and passions or self-growth? Acceptance of your present circumstance, without judging it or wishing for it to be different, can help to lessen the feeling of distress that accompany loneliness.

Regardless of what steps you take to manage your feelings, I am always available as a support option on campus, even if I can’t replace friendship. Loneliness is difficult to experience and navigate out of, and it may also indicate that something deeper is going on.

I also want to hear what the student community wants for support moving forward. Next week, I will be sending out an email listing some options for social and counselling groups to be offered over the spring/summer semester, and options for Fall 2020.

Shannon – Counsellor, M.C., RP, CCC
Room/Office 138
T 613.735.4700 x2804
Counselling website


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