Home – November 2016
Considering Winter: It makes us stronger
For quite a while, Ottawa could give thanks and smile, somewhat rigidly, that it was the second-coldest capital city in the world. Lately, however, there’s been a terrible shakeup.
Brave Ottawans skate through the pain.
According to the Sunday Post, we have an ice pick – barely – in fifth place:
- Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia
- Astana, Kazakhstan
- Minsk, Belarus
- Moscow, Russia
- Ottawa, Canada
To despair is to surrender. How do we claw our way back to the top?
A practical solution — and one discussed in cultural think tanks — is to move the capital to chronically sub-zero Winnipeg. An immediate benefit would be a drastic reduction in traffic on Highway 417. Also, vacated federal buildings could be declared Bed & Breakfasts, and the ensuing revenues might help repair the car-swallowing moon craters found along Carling Avenue every spring.
A typical early morning scene in Winnipeg, sometime in July.
Most of us have never attended an event at The Burton Cummings Theatre for the Performing Arts. Well, with Winnipeg as our new capital, we have one more reason to visit our western kinfolk.
Switching city slogans kind of works. So it would be: Ottawa — ‘Heart of the Continent,’ and Winnipeg — ‘Just Like You.’ Not bad.
Ottawans have always made a big noise about pleasures to be discovered on the frozen tundra of the Rideau Canal. The international set has looked upon these yelps of municipal pride with bemused pity. “I mean,” they say, over après ski cocktails at the base of the Matterhorn, “aren’t they just talking about a really big skating rink?”
Ice sculpting in Mongolia. Actually, this looks pretty good.
Yes, we are. But often forgotten are the BeaverTails kiosks and the … BeaverTails kiosks.
We should emphasize our ice sculptures. You can bet your faux sherpa bib parka that Ulaanbaatar will never touch us in the sculpture department.
Like all Canadians, denizens of Ottawa embrace winter with a grim resignation, bolstered by overpriced thermal clothing and vague, end-of-the-world “survival strategies.” Just this year, Ottawa City Council is considering a new slogan, “What doesn’t destroy us only makes us stronger.”
It’s that same winning attitude that will once again lock us in to a No. 2 position, right where we want to be, behind Moscow, keeping an eye on them.