Tip of the Iceberg: How to Date Yourself

Posted on Monday, February 3rd, 2020

In the lead up to Valentine’s Day, there can be a lot of pressure on relationships, and expectations on partners. There is one way to ensure you are truly happy this Valentine’s Day, and every day after that – by dating yourself.

Getting to Know Yourself

Often with so much pressure on relationships, we don’t know what we like without working with other people. Find the things that make you happy – is it a clean room, cozy socks, special teas, or a book? Whatever it is that you want to do can lay the groundwork and set you up for success.

Treat Yourself

Do something entirely for you. Something that you normally don’t treat yourself to, maybe a pedicure, paintballing, movies, flowers, a box of chocolates even! Whatever it is, do something especially for you. When we give ourselves treats we feel important, cared for, energized and this addresses our self-care needs. This is why “treat yo self” has become so popular. Don’t get too bogged down with needing the newest or flashiest item, but do something for yourself, within your budget, that you wouldn’t normally do.

Feel What You Need To

There are aspects of a relationship that people often seek when they are single, but these tips are relevant for anyone, even those in long-term relationships.

Intimacy: this is one of the most common reasons people are in relationships, but how do you find intimacy by dating yourself? Friends and/or family can be a valued source of intimacy, tender hugs or cuddles can give us the feelings we long for. Did you know that a 20 second hug can help to release oxytocin – a hormone that helps us to relax and lower anxiety. Why not ask to practice with friends and family. It can be different at first, but these chemicals can give us a longing connection.

You can practice what you like and need while looking for the perfect partner, or while in a relationship. What ways do you like to receive affection, and how do you like to explore your body? These are important questions for you to answer before you expect to find it with a partner. Most of all, never feel ashamed or embarrassed about this. Many people long for physical connections.

Feeling lonely: loneliness is a need for connection; there is nothing wrong with this feeling, it helps us seek out and create meaningful and authentic connections. Let your body acknowledge what you need and want, and then seek that connection – you may already have someone in mind, and know when and where to get support! We have a knowledgeable Counselling Services team on campus, they are here to support our students with their feelings and needs. Build connections and reduce feelings of loneliness with amazing Clubs and Communities through the Algonquin Students’ Association, and fantastic events through the AC Hub.

Appreciate yourself: this is something that does not come naturally to many of us. It can be why dating, and interviews are so difficult for some. We sell ourselves short, and do not focus on the fantastic attributes that make each of us so unique. Spend some time building positivity in yourself. There are many ways to do this:

  1. Start each morning with one positive note: today is going to be awesome, I look fantastic in my jeans. It’s amazing how much this can improve our mood!

  2. Focus on the good things: it may be -20ºC, but at least the sun is shining bright!
    These little things can also help our moods.

  3. Focus on the present: will this matter in 10 minutes, 10 hours, or 10 days?
    This can really sum up the negativities we are experiencing.

  4. Be kind to yourself. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself!

Need More Support?

If you would like to talk to someone about how you’re feeling in a confidential environment, please make an appointment with Counselling Services.

– Sarah Crawford, Sexual Violence Prevention and Harm Reduction Coordinator, and Patti Hancock, Counsellor, Algonquin College Counselling Services


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